Thoughts on Prayer

So a couple nights ago, I had an interesting little spat/discussion with my friend Darin based on the value of prayer. The situation went as thus, we were driving to his place so I could drop him off when we started talking about what work we would do after college. Next, he asked me a question that really struck me. He told me to pray that he finds a job after college. I did not know how to react to this so I did what I felt like doing, I made a joke out of it. What happened next caught me off guard. During my jovial response, Darin changed his tone of voice and told me that he was serious about this. People have told me to pray for them at which I gave a half-hearted "okay" but nothing more than that. I've told people that I'll keep them in my thoughts, but I've never mentioned my prayers. When my parents tell me that they are praying for me, I get no sense of gratification out of it.

I consider myself a Christian, but not Catholic. I was born into a Roman Catholic home, town and school and I hated every minute of it. Despite that resentment, I still felt as though I have a connection with a so called God but I'm at a stage right now where I am not sure that this all loving God is even the God I think he is. Hell, he might be a she for all I know. And who is to say that Catholicism is the be all end all just because a crazy prophet dude said that I am the way, the truth and the light. I don't know if people know this, but Jesus was a Jew and as such, the king of the Jews. So who's to say that the Jewish faith is not the true faith?

These are all merely questions, and while I'm skeptical of God, I'm not full blown denying Him (As you can tell by me capitalizing God, Him and He :D) Ok, enough of this, I'll go back to my thoughts on prayer. As we were arguing about why I would not seriously pray for him, I told him that prayer is essentially useless in my opinion. Who's to say that if I were to pray for my friend, that God is going to hear this meek little murmer from one of six billion people and think "Well, this guy really wants a job so I guess I'll grant him his wish." To me, prayer is nothing but a lottery and if your prayer is answered then you've basically won. If you lose, well then, "It's just what God wanted." To me, prayer is such a BS concept, when there are hungry, suffering people all over the world. Why do those people continue to suffer if all they need to do is pray? Do they not pray? Yes, they do, in fact they pray more vehemently in a day than most Catholics will do in a month.

To me, someone who prays with the intent that it helps them succeed is such a selfish act. And asking for someone to pray for them is something I would take as an offense. It almost sounded to me that he had no confidence in the fact that I do think about him every day and I do wish the best for him, but do I pray that he or anyone else ends up living a successful and fulfilling life? No, because that is simply me asking God to go out of His way to make my friends life turn out great while others will fall behind. The argument culminated in him finally getting me to admit that I believe that prayer is useless. When I said that, I felt strange. I didn't know if I felt liberated or if I felt that I had somehow turned my back on God. I don't know, but all I know is at that instant, I felt a feeling of something leaving me. Perhaps it was a piece of God breaking away from me, or if it was simply a weight that was lifted.

Throughout my life, I have come to the conclusion that things happen at random. There is not plan for us, because we have free will and the ability to map out our own lives. Good things happen and bad things happen and it all depends on how you react to these situations.

I don't claim to be a master on the meaning of life but I believe that a higher being could be one of many things. I haven't ruled out that I'm simply a guys' avatar in an extremely complex MMORPG.

Alright, enough of this tomfoolery.